The Three Wise Men of 2011 (Musings from Khao San, Bangkok)

Photo Source: Capital Mansion | Having an empty camera battery did have its perks---I got to bask immerse in the moment.

KHAO SAN ROAD, BANGKOK -- That courageous decision defining my 2011 began to materialize in this so-called backpackers' ghetto. After separating from my friends for some personal shopping, I allowed myself to get lost in the hodgepodge of faces and retail goods in Khao San. For three hours, I explored every nook and cranny of this famous road, including its perpendicular alleys. I went through shelves and shelves of secondhand books, felt every single Thai fabric and craft with my hand, blushed at the sight of queer folks, and marked my learned phrases with a trying accent as I haggled with vendors.

I basked in that comforting anonymity one often feels when exploring an unfamiliar city. It was liberating . . . until I began to get bored with just roaming around. I tried to entertain myself with the music of some grungy backpackers but left after a few minutes without tossing a baht on their hat. It was then when I saw a fortuneteller's stand smacked right in the middle of Khao San. Why not? I thought.

The fortuneteller was drinking and playing cards with his buddies when I came by their booth. He spoke with a heavy Thai accent; I barely understood a thing he said and he smoked all throughout our session. But I stayed.

"Your life revolves around just work and home," he told me. At that time, he was so damn right but I didn't say a thing. I was being a difficult customer. He went on rambling a few suggestions on how I should break my monotonous routine and, at one point, he must be already telling me how dull and lifeless I have become.

This drunk guy surely knows what to say, I told myself. In the past months, I have been seeing myself as a metaphor of a dying star--slowly being sucked out of its light. I was dying a metaphysical death. It was a dark moment in my inner reality.

"In July this year, you will be realizing a decision. Do not care about what others will say. Just act on your decision and you'll be happy." Those were the fortuneteller's last words, which I brought with me from Khao San to Manila.

In the months that followed, I was unaware of how this metaphysical death had begun to manifest physically. I was finding it more and more difficult to rise in the morning and go through my usual routine. Several persons who used to see me everyday noticed this change. I could have let myself die completely and live a zombie-like existence thereafter. But I knew I had to live for Krissy, if not for myself.

It was the end of May when I made the decision to live. Thirty days later, I was sitting across a wise man who sat somewhere in the higher echelons of the organization. He processed my scattered thoughts which I couldn't quite verbalize at that time. He spoke of similes, metaphors and real people--many of them have died the same metaphysical deaths until they made the move to live again. It is all about finding your right fit, he told me.

Sometime in those 30 days, a friend called to raise his issues over a blog post on a controversial topic. This guy friend has seen me through the highs and lows of my career and love life in the past five years. He was the same guy who motivated me to stop giving all the wrong ones a chance, the very reason I kissed dating goodbye for more than three years now. Yes, he couldn't have called at a better time.

I nearly cried when he told me how he had seen me work hard to find myself after my break up with Krissy's father and after I became a casualty of a corporate re-engineering. "If you have to sacrifice who you are for persons or reasons you now find unworthy, then you just made the right choice."
In July 2011, I witnessed life unfold again after realizing my decision. I reclaimed myself and finally found my right fit.

I was back in the city, happy and alive again.

Cheers to the New Year!